music

I just found my iPod mini from ninth grade, back when everything was simple and "love" came easier than an A on a history exam. I am stuck here listening to the playlist i lost my virginity to. It's weird to think that these songs defined my first relationship. This mix up of hoobastank and lifehouse, was what defined my terminal and life changing disease of a relationship that defined who i was at the time. My relationship of nearly two years ended tragically one summer, where i spent days crying on my back porch on a wicker sofa. So now as i enter my first serious relationship since im stuck asking myself why him? How does he compare to that relic of a relationship that lasted into almost my junior year of high school? Will he hurt me like that? After the most fantastic week with him i just wonder where this will lead, if this love will last or if it's even love at all. What will he do to change who i am? If there is anything a brood of high school then college relationships and hookups have taught me it's how different we become to match our partners and how much we change when we split.

Im not saying i want to rekindle past relationships. Since middle school I've told myself that i will not twice date an ex and have held that promise like a religion. (the cheating rule went out the window when my morals started lacking freshman year) but to every ex: im sorry you probably hate me and if you don't I am glad. You helped me make me who I am, and while i may not always have been the kindest or nicest im glad our paths crossed. You were what i needed when i had you, and i wish you the very best in all your endeavors. If i told you i loved you i meant it and you can have that love and our experiences for the rest of your life.

Our songs will always change, but the playlist that may outlast out relationship will always remind me of you.

Lovingly and reflectingly, CK